La Lubu

la notti e di lu lupu

Change on commenting

All comments will now be individually approved. I will get to them when I get to them; I am not a professional blogger and only have sporadic access to the internet most days (during the daytime) via cellphone. More evenings than not are also packed with activity.

Like a fool, I expected that since this was a tiny blog with few visitors, that folks would be respectful enough not to say anything in print that they wouldn’t say in person (translation: and perhaps have to back it up with their ass). Yeah, I know. Quit laughing.

Anyway, it is what it is. There is some shit that went on in that post that had I been here at the time, I would not have allowed through. But I can’t be here very often, and I can’t (as one person, remember? single mother? two jobs?) keep to the same moderating practices that large blogs of multiple people across the globe who have all day access to their blogs via large computer screens and fast internet connections. Can’t do it, won’t do it, and it’s ridiculous to expect that of me.

This isn’t about “play nice”. It’s about basic human respect. I, and most of the people who comment here are not the kind of folks who get that indulgence often. Because of that, I expect folks to “get it”. Those that don’t, aren’t going to have their comments published. I’m not going to host garbage.

And yep, I’m an uppity bitch.

2012/01/27 - Posted by | Uncategorized

4 Comments »

  1. Fights are inevitable, ain’t no blog that has discussed you-know-who without brawls ensuing. You’ve done good, don’t sweat it.

    TWO jobs? I didn’t realize you’d picked up a second. That shit nearly killed me (mommyhood w/ two jobs, eating in the car from one job to the other, etc) so please be careful. Seriously, my thyroid disease started in earnest during that time, I blew it out just like a fuse.

    Get sleep and take care of yourself!

    Comment by Daisy Deadhead | 2012/01/27

  2. Thanks. What I don’t want to see: those of us who are on the receiving end of a metric ton of bull-shit taking the aftereffects of that out on each other. I take it as a given that there will be misunderstandings and we’re going to piss one another off, especially at those intersections we don’t share….but there are productive and nonproductive ways of handling conflict.

    I come from a background of seriously vicious grudges (or as I often phrase it, usually as a warning against someone who’s tested my patience past the point they should: “I’m Sicilian, y’know, the people who brought you the word *vendetta*”). So, in the interest of not engaging in the crabs-in-a-bucket dynamic, I (try) to practice taking a deep breath, asking someone to clarify their statement, and/or telling them with as much clarity as I can muster *that* xyz comment of theirs was offensive and *why*.

    I don’t do this for everyone. Just those who are situated similarly to me (in power dynamics). In other words, people who are *also* in the midst of struggle behind one (and usually more) of the walls of oppression in this racist, sexist, classist, heterosexist, ableist, ageist, etc. world. The people who get the *detriment*, rather than the benefit of the doubt. (In fact, if I get some spare time and my thoughts together this weekend, I may post on that. I told bfp I was going to do that, and here/now I still haven’t). The detriment of the doubt.

    Mutual respect and understanding are the only conditions under which real solidarity can grow and thrive. For our differences as well as our similarities. Divide and conquer is killing us, and I won’t knowingly or willingly foster it. Sometimes that means holding my tongue. Sometimes it means cutting some folks some slack. Sometimes it means cutting them out of my life. Sometimes it means apologizing. Sometimes it means clarifying my words. Sometimes it means educating. Sometimes it means taking a break, or a deep breath. Whatever it takes, y’know? It’s an effort I regard as valuable, and like I said—not everyone gets that effort extended to them. But I’ve seen it work, and that makes all the difference.

    With that said….yeah, two jobs. I have probably been hypothyroid even before pregnancy, but that’s when it really came on. That’s when I noticed I couldn’t lose weight through diet and exercise, only slow the rate of weight gain (and trust when I say I know what I’m talking about as a real gym rat). Even so, I was stubborn, and it wasn’t until I started getting mental as well as physical symptoms that I knew something was seriously wrong that couldn’t be willed away or explained away as aging. Each time I get my blood tested, I get a bump-up in synthroid; eventually maybe my thyroid will stabilize. I avoid soy (it fucks my thyroid badly—bye bye, energy bars!), make sure to wake up early to take my medicine so I get maximum absorption, and make an effort to get enough rest even if that means skipping a workout (camomile tea helps).

    Comment by lubiddu | 2012/01/27

  3. Adrenaline burns out the adrenal glands, which are real hardy… so they pass along the stress to the thyroid, which just goes kerflooey. Japanese women (had two bombs dropped on them!) do not even have the levels of thyroid cancer that we do here in the West, which I find amazing… went to a holistic workshop where this doctor posited it was stress levels and the resultant adrenal gland fatigue. Also, trans fats in the diet inhibit absorption of Selenium, which the thyroid needs.

    So: an overworked middle-aged female (no one knows why females are 7 times more likely to have thyroid disease in the first place!) sitting there in her car, stressing at the traffic lights and eating potato chips = recipe for thyroid disaster. Someone shoulda TOLD me! :(

    Glad all is well!

    Comment by Daisy Deadhead | 2012/01/27

  4. Thanks for all of that, lubiddu. Thanks so much! My entry recently into feminist discussion online has been somewhat bumpy…hell, most of my feminist life has been and especially the past 14yrs since entering/exiting an abusive relationship. I still live with the consequences of that, particularly financially and healthwise, tho the abuser has been absent for more than 10yrs entirely. There’s no way to see those consequences separately in terms of their impact, really, even though individual threads can be traced back to particular actions or failures by the abuser, the courts, our community, etc. It all adds up to a degree of challenge that is energy/hope draining, which impacts everything else.

    In any event, it was a brief and disturbing encounter with Occupy last fall, after some years of retirement from activism while in recovery from abuse, that sent me searching the web for signs of intelligent feminist life–and the ensuing ruckus. Such a strange coincidence that I would enter the scene in the midst of the HS bruhaha!

    You said in your letter to Jill that for you, feminism is a liberatory movement that should impact us personally and our relationships with one another–not just be a political thing. This I have thought, and explored, for a long time. For me, patriarchy at base is a dominance/submission model that plays out especially (not exclusively) as men’s dominance of womyn, racial dominace, rich over poor, humans over nature. I see it playing out within each person as well–and for me it’s so important to transform this in myself and relationships (ever a work in progress). I think it is the hardest thing, because we tend to have a hard time seeing ourselves clearly, and the ways we act out dominance or submission. As a feminist, one can easily feel that the only issue to address is liberation of womyn from men’s oppression–just one example that carries also into race/class/ableism, etc. It’s very real and important, after all. What is much harder is to see how even as a womyn, one might be playing as a dominator or submissive in relationship to others….thus perpetuating patriarchal mind, personally. We are not to blame for our enculturation, but we are still responsible for recognizing culture within ourselves and choosing something different if we expect to change the world.

    All that is to say that your description of how to foster communication is very valuable in the work toward unity and moving conversations–and ensuing actions–forward: “Sometimes that means holding my tongue. Sometimes it means cutting some folks some slack. Sometimes it means cutting them out of my life. Sometimes it means apologizing. Sometimes it means clarifying my words [and all the rest]” Yes, people get upset and that’s to be expected. I want to think we can always expect from ourselves and each other to make conscious effort to move through that. It’s so good to hear you name the kinds of things I value in communication of difficult things, and to know how much you value the creation of safe space toward personal and cultural transformation.

    Comment by Hari B | 2012/01/27


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